To be loved.

Monday, December 4th, 2017

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It’s the single thing I think about the very most. Love. All kinds of love. Deep, meaningful relationships. It’s the prayer that’s always pouring from my lips.

I have just been with myself for a while. I live alone, and there certainly isn’t a revolving door of boys positioned in the front of my little apartment. I still dream of the girls who will stand on my side, girls I aspire to be more like, girls who can push me further in the direction I’m chasing and, when needed, girls who can grab my shoulders and turn me around.

I’m hesitant to use the term season, simply because I don’t think God gives us seasons to prepare for other seasons. I don’t think we were designed to live waiting for a better time to come around, nor do I think it’s fair to slap a label on all the things that fill these spans of time. I think the obstacles I approach today will help me continue my walk down this path – tonight, tomorrow, and the day after that. Joy is now, not the husband and kids and big, white house ten years from now.

But, girl, I feel you. Waiting for the right boy to come knocking, watching all your 20-something friends find the loves of their lives. Seeing photos of sweet friends on social media. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t doubt that the Lord had something so exciting and beautiful waiting for me every now and again.

I’m often quite negative in my loneliness. Community is such a huge part of walking with the Lord, and I wonder why I haven’t been gifted the great, but often undervalued, luxury. I find myself walking further from his Word when I don’t have people to push me in that direction. I find myself questioning his timing. When I don’t have those people, I often don’t feel God.

In Philippians 4, Paul says, “for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”

Now, Paul was imprisoned at the time, not on this great search for love, but I still think there is some truth to be gained. Girl, God’s got you. In God’s will and with His strength, we have the strength to carry on. I don’t believe my desire for these relationships with simply vanish. I think these are things I will continue to pray for for the rest of my life. But I believe He gives us the strength in our circumstances.

Contentment is not a combination of the emotions your feeling tonight, nor is it the circumstance your in. It’s a lifestyle. It’s waking up every morning and not mournfully looking at the long day of school and the people you don’t have, it’s waking up and saying “Thank you, Jesus.”

And, more than anything, I believe when we are content, and we know our value in Him, and we trust that He will place the most beautiful things in our path, the passions and the desires and the goals just grow. And I believe, then, we can just run.


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